here comes the rain

this was going to be a place of pure positivity, but i'm starting to realise how unrealistic that is...would you even see the sunshine if you didn't know about shadows and clouds and rain?

although you can choose to 'turn your face to the sun' you still know there are clouds behind you. sometimes you try to ignore them and they just build and build until they are dark ominous stormclouds pulling you backward with their force and draining your energy, gathering momentum and demanding your attention. i think it's better to turn around every now and again and look them in the eye.

there are clouds with all sorts of shapes lurking behind me at the moment...some are XMRV shaped, some have the faces of all the politic-ing people who seem to be hampering scientific progress etched into them. some are full to overflowing with the lack of understanding and sensitivity i still find after all these years - sometimes in the most unexpected places. others still are there all the time, in one form or another, mirroring the ever-present grief born of loss that apparently knows no end. and just right now clusters are gathering unbidden as anniversaries draw near...

i respect their right to be there; they are a natural reaction to the challenges of this journey.

i know that i can't stare down these clouds or simply will them to magically disappear (if only!). but i can lie down on the metaphorical grass and look upward, feel the ground beneath my body in this present moment, and watch - with as little attachment as possible - until they eventually float on past through the expanse of sky.